The man who was once captain of Barça and today seems to want to be the king of the gossip column, has once again given us a gem in his last interview. Not content with having reinvented himself as a businessman of leagues and controversies, he decided to delight us with a fact that, although we did not know we needed, now we cannot ignore: his sexual frequency. According to what he confessed to Broncano, the former soccer player maintains an average of 30 intimate encounters per month.. Yes, one a day. More regular than the sun rising in the east or his ex, Shakira, dropping musical hints.
In this confession, Piqué looked more like a cartoon of a rooster recounting its mating ritual than a 19th-century novelist’s heartthrob. But the reality is that he is a man of the 21st century. With a mixture of pride and a certain sarcasm, he revealed that when the days are not enough for so much love, he takes it upon himself to ‘compensate’ on another day. Because, of course, the numbers have to add up, as if your sex life were an Excel sheet that admits no errors. As he spoke, you could tell he was enjoying the headlines he was generating more than the act itself. The act of being interviewed.
Of course, this statement did not go unnoticed in the media circles, and we fear that it was not ignored in the possible spheres of the house of his ex, Shakira. The Colombian singer, whom we imagine dying of laughter at such a revelation from the father of her children, is capable of turning Piqué’s surplus into gold: He already gave us musical revenge worthy of Grammys. Right now tuning his guitar for what could be his next hit: The Condemnation. Because, let’s be honest, making love 360 times a year may be a privilege for some, but for others—ahem, Shakira—it’s a sentence heavier than carrying a washing machine full of reproaches.
And there is Clara Chía, the 25-year-old girlfriend who enjoys being the protagonist of this soap opera, now shared with the audience, because, at this point, who doesn’t want to be the eye of the hurricane? At his young age, He has shown to have more patience than a saint and more resistance than his footballer in the golden years. Because, frankly, keeping up with a man who sets such standards for himself is like trying to run a marathon every day.
Meanwhile, Shakira could be looking for inspiration for her new masterpiece. Maybe a renewed version of To Torturenow titled The Condemnationwhere the verses talk about “a love that does not rest, but that always tires.” And it wouldn’t be strange if it included a catchy chorus like: “I congratulate you, you act well, but your record does not impress me, neither in bed nor on the canvas”.
At the end of the day, the world that Piqué shows us could be a Roman theater where he plays the role of emperor, Clara that of muse, and Shakira that of a gladiator who never loses. But be careful, because the revenge of a wounded artist never lets up, and if there is one thing we know for sure, it is that, between sheets or microphones, Shakira always knows where to strike. The refrain has already stuck to us: “Your record does not impress me, neither in bed nor on the mat.”
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