Soderling: “I got to Google how to commit suicide”

The Swedish extenista Robin Söderling, who became world number 4 and was the first to win Rafael Nadal at Roland Garros, he revealed this Sunday that he suffered panic and anxiety attacks in his best sports stage that caused his early retirement in 2015 at the age of 31.

Söderling, who came to search the internet for different ways to commit suicide, officially abandoned professional sports due to mononucleosis, But the former sportsman confessed to the public radio station “Radio of Sweden” that he had been suffering problems for years before being diagnosed with that disease. “I had constant anxiety, it gnawed at me inside. I sat in the apartment and stared blankly, the smallest noise made me panic. When a letter fell on the mat, I panicked so much that it fell to the floor. If the phone rang, I trembled with fear, “he told the program” Verano en P1 “.

In 2009, after playing the first of his two consecutive Roland Garros finals, he began to panic for the first time and, with the successes, increased pressure. “There were only three players I could lose with, the rest I had to beat them, if I didn't feel bad, failed, a loser”, admits. In July 2011, after beating David Ferrer in the final of the Swedish Open, his last professional game, he drove back to his home in Monte Carlo and began to fall into “a bottomless black abyss”, a malaise that worsened a month later, before playing the US Open. “I panicked, I started crying. I was crying and crying. I went back to the hotel and threw myself on the bed, every time I thought about going on the track, I panicked. For the first time I felt that regardless of how much I wanted, I couldn't, Not even if they put a gun to my temple. I got to Google how to commit suicide “, he assures, although he believes that he really did not want to die, but “anything was better than this life in hell”.

The diagnosis of mononucleosis was what precipitated the withdrawal, which was not official until 2015, although it took even longer to recover psychically, reveals the current captain of the Swedish Davis Cup team. “We rarely talk about psychic problems in the world sports elite, that's why I wanted to tell about it. To those who dedicate themselves to sports and their parents, I tell them to train hard and take it easy. Play sports and dream, but if you succeed, keep perspective and find yourself a life, something I have not done until now, “he says.